Day 15: Ashaiman SHS

When we first began our work here I had asked the Headmaster if there was any way to meet with the boys and girls separately to discuss the issues that are most relevant to them. He had seemed resistant at first; I believe because he wanted to be sure all students were reached. It is obvious now that we are reaching all of the students. Yesterday the school counselor informed us that we would be leading group discussions with the boys and girls separately, of course in large assembly format. She wanted us to talk with the girls about their health and “womanly concerns.” She gave one example of a girl who was confused about why there was discharge “down there.” She is also concerned of girls who are having pressures of “sexual immorality.” I confirmed that she wanted us to talk about women’s health and sexuality. As for the boys, she wanted us to talk about drug abuse. Now, I know boys and girls face different concerns growing up, but girls do not get pregnant on their own. It takes semen AND an egg to make a baby…

We began our morning with Worship. Every Wednesday the school has worship first thing. (I have been to church more this week than I have been in nearly the past 10 years). The Worship was high energy and actually woke me up a bit. They had the school choir singing and a few students playing drums, percussion, and keyboard. One male student served as director of the choir while another lead the entire group in songs. A female student sang back up vocals and played some percussion. Teachers and students alike danced and sang and praised. I may not be religious, but it was definitely high energy. Then a Pastor said his part which focused mostly on staying focused on God and making time for Him in your studies. The Pastor told the students they must make time to study the Bible because if they do not make time for the Lord, the Lord will not have time for them. I am glad the students and community have a strong faith that helps to support them; however, I also know many of the students cannot pass their academic coursework because they do not have time to study due to work duties. One girl talked with me today and she awakes at 4AM to begin her day – she completes her morning chores, sells goods on the side of the road and then arrives to school at 7AM for classes. At the end of the day she must again sell before returning home to help cook dinner for her family. She has no time to study or to relax/play as is – is studying the Bible really the best for her right now? Maybe so if it gives her strength and determination to persevere but I struggle to see that benefit. It feels that the staff is so removed from the real needs of the students. At the end of Worship, the Pastor told them they must make contributions to Offering. He lectured them that if they do not give their bounty they will not receive from the Lord. It went as far as “If you give 1 peswa, you will receive 100,000 cedis. If you give nothing, you will receive nothing.” Again, I have had students who do not have money for breakfast or lunch and sometimes they do not have dinner. If they do have money, I would rather them eat food to nourish their brains and bodies than contribute to Offering. I question if The Lord really wants people to starve before He ‘rewards’ them. I do not believe in the necessity of suffering. The Pastor even quoted a story from the Bible about someone who was hungry or starving but they still gave their bounty. This was very emotionally charged for me. Again, my cultural humility is being tested quite a bit…

Following Worship, oddly enough, was our sex talk with the girls and boys. I worked with the girls group. I began by introducing the topic for today and told them this was going to be a safe space for them to ask any and all of the questions they might have about their menses, sex, relationships, their body changes, etc. To help get a sense of the questions they had, we gave them slips of paper to write down their questions and collected the questions. My colleagues were nervous about the topic and talking about sex in a cultural appropriate way so I began the discussion. With all due respect, Ghanaian culture, I will be giving these girls accurate health information concerning their bodies. Going into this I informed my colleagues I would be saying the words penis and vagina; I would be talking about safe sex and how to protect yourself (and the benefits of abstinence); and I would not turn away any question – no matter how complex or challenging it might be to answer. These girls (and boys and all humans) have a right to know about their bodies and sexuality. The deserve answers to their questions so that they may make informed choices about their bodies and futures.

With that, we had about 150 slips turned in with questions ranging from “what causes menses, why is it irregular, why does it hurt in my abdomen” to “what is sex, what is a virgin, if I kiss a boy am I still a virgin” to “is it OK for a man to beat his wife.” We also had questions such as “is it illegal to have a boyfriend,” “how can I control the white liquid coming out of my vagina” and “why does semen come out of my vagina if I am a virgin.” These girls range in age from 14-19 and clearly do not have even a rudimentary understanding of their bodies. I tried to answer themes of questions as best as I could. I felt very sad that they have not been provided with this education. They are so lost and confused. I wonder the affects of such strong religion in this culture which seems to prevent the children from receiving any education around sexual health. The only answer is to wait until marriage (which, by the way, proposals are commonplace. To be married does not mean you know one another or have dated or are in love. Many girls asked how to stop men from proposing to them and wondered why men were noticing them more lately. Men. Not boys.). We also had a question about sexual abuse and if you can say no to someone who wants to have sex with you. We gave a complete answer about the right to your body, to say no, to change your mind and how they do not owe anyone their body or access to it no matter what (for example, many aunties and uncles are paying for their education and the uncles want something in return). The counselor then got on the microphone to reiterate the importance of telling her if this was happening so they could be counseled. She said “If you do not tell someone you will have a horrible life, you will not get married and you will be not have children and you will not lead a happy life.” WTF?!?!?! Meanwhile, at this time, the boys were talking about how to stay in school and get into University and to avoid drugs. I have been so frustrated with the sexist ideals of responsibility and have really struggled to remain cultural humble and curious. I am doing my best to respect the cultural norms while still providing accurate information. I made myself available after our forum for individual questions. A couple girls came and asked questions about sex and pregnancy and how they might know if they are pregnant. Innocent questions. I wish I could be here longer and lead several small groups for students around sexuality and sexual health.

Later, during my individual counseling session a girl told me about being molested at the age of 6. She had never told anyone before and she wanted to know if she was still a virgin and if she would still be able to marry and have children. I wish I could do more for her. There is no one to report it to, no one to tell who can help this girl. I felt so helpless in that situation. Luckily, she is no longer in that unsafe situation, but she is feeling obvious after affects. She began talking about this because she said she feels nervous around men and boys and does not like to be alone with them or close to them. She asked if this was normal. She does not wish to talk to her mother (that was my first approach since family is the foundation of everything here) nor anyone else. She said she wants to just forget about it and move on with her life. I have to respect that that is where she is right now and it wouldn’t be safe for me to bring all of this up with her to have no follow up. I felt so incredibly inadequate and useless. At least I was there for her to have a safe space, free of judgment to share what she needed to share and get accurate health information. I hope she is able to tell someone someday and work through it.

On an upswing, during our break, a student I talked with yesterday came up to me with great news – he was able to accomplish one of his goals today (we had set two goals yesterday and he reached one this morning). He was so excited and the huge smile on his face was heart warming. He couldn’t wait to tell me how it went. He was bright, smiley, and cheery and said I had inspired him and he wished I could be with him always. I told him how incredibly proud I was of him for working on his goal today and told him I would always be with him. He will always have our conversation and the skills I helped him to learn and that he can carry those with him wherever he goes in the future. He also has my email address and said he will write. (Most all of the students ask for your address or email – I am not sure how many will actually write)

I also hung out with a group of girls in the courtyard during lunch. We took pictures and had a great time posing and laughing and being silly. They love the cameras, that’s for sure!

Today’s curriculum was a follow up to yesterday’s goal setting. Today we broke it down into more specific steps to achieving your goal(s) and identified those people who are in your support system, or your circle of support. I was quite impressed with the students’ abilities to think critically and identify steps to reach their goals. Students have big goals – to be the first female President, to be the Minister of Women and Children Affairs, to be “the biggest lawyer Ghana has ever seen,” to travel the world and write books, and to be “the next Obama.” Many students had sense of what it takes to enter a certain field – extra math/science or study social sciences. They knew they would need to have a practicum, conduct research, and seek mentors. It is so inspiring to hear the students’ goals and dreams and help them to identify ways to get there. I hope at least one student learns something from this week that they take forward with them and use in the future – whether it is goal setting, problem solving, or social skills – I hope there is something they can find that is useful.

Tomorrow I am training the youth consulate group on facilitation skills so they can become facilitators of these seminars. I have created a 20 page manual for them and am leading a 2-hour training. I am still determining the best way to integrate photo journalism into the project… I hope it all goes smoothly. This week has been so rewarding in so many ways. I know I will not want to leave come Friday – which is just right around the corner. I can’t believe I only have another 10 days left in Ghana. The time has flown by.