Day 15: Ashaiman SHS

When we first began our work here I had asked the Headmaster if there was any way to meet with the boys and girls separately to discuss the issues that are most relevant to them. He had seemed resistant at first; I believe because he wanted to be sure all students were reached. It is obvious now that we are reaching all of the students. Yesterday the school counselor informed us that we would be leading group discussions with the boys and girls separately, of course in large assembly format. She wanted us to talk with the girls about their health and “womanly concerns.” She gave one example of a girl who was confused about why there was discharge “down there.” She is also concerned of girls who are having pressures of “sexual immorality.” I confirmed that she wanted us to talk about women’s health and sexuality. As for the boys, she wanted us to talk about drug abuse. Now, I know boys and girls face different concerns growing up, but girls do not get pregnant on their own. It takes semen AND an egg to make a baby…

We began our morning with Worship. Every Wednesday the school has worship first thing. (I have been to church more this week than I have been in nearly the past 10 years). The Worship was high energy and actually woke me up a bit. They had the school choir singing and a few students playing drums, percussion, and keyboard. One male student served as director of the choir while another lead the entire group in songs. A female student sang back up vocals and played some percussion. Teachers and students alike danced and sang and praised. I may not be religious, but it was definitely high energy. Then a Pastor said his part which focused mostly on staying focused on God and making time for Him in your studies. The Pastor told the students they must make time to study the Bible because if they do not make time for the Lord, the Lord will not have time for them. I am glad the students and community have a strong faith that helps to support them; however, I also know many of the students cannot pass their academic coursework because they do not have time to study due to work duties. One girl talked with me today and she awakes at 4AM to begin her day – she completes her morning chores, sells goods on the side of the road and then arrives to school at 7AM for classes. At the end of the day she must again sell before returning home to help cook dinner for her family. She has no time to study or to relax/play as is – is studying the Bible really the best for her right now? Maybe so if it gives her strength and determination to persevere but I struggle to see that benefit. It feels that the staff is so removed from the real needs of the students. At the end of Worship, the Pastor told them they must make contributions to Offering. He lectured them that if they do not give their bounty they will not receive from the Lord. It went as far as “If you give 1 peswa, you will receive 100,000 cedis. If you give nothing, you will receive nothing.” Again, I have had students who do not have money for breakfast or lunch and sometimes they do not have dinner. If they do have money, I would rather them eat food to nourish their brains and bodies than contribute to Offering. I question if The Lord really wants people to starve before He ‘rewards’ them. I do not believe in the necessity of suffering. The Pastor even quoted a story from the Bible about someone who was hungry or starving but they still gave their bounty. This was very emotionally charged for me. Again, my cultural humility is being tested quite a bit…

Following Worship, oddly enough, was our sex talk with the girls and boys. I worked with the girls group. I began by introducing the topic for today and told them this was going to be a safe space for them to ask any and all of the questions they might have about their menses, sex, relationships, their body changes, etc. To help get a sense of the questions they had, we gave them slips of paper to write down their questions and collected the questions. My colleagues were nervous about the topic and talking about sex in a cultural appropriate way so I began the discussion. With all due respect, Ghanaian culture, I will be giving these girls accurate health information concerning their bodies. Going into this I informed my colleagues I would be saying the words penis and vagina; I would be talking about safe sex and how to protect yourself (and the benefits of abstinence); and I would not turn away any question – no matter how complex or challenging it might be to answer. These girls (and boys and all humans) have a right to know about their bodies and sexuality. The deserve answers to their questions so that they may make informed choices about their bodies and futures.

With that, we had about 150 slips turned in with questions ranging from “what causes menses, why is it irregular, why does it hurt in my abdomen” to “what is sex, what is a virgin, if I kiss a boy am I still a virgin” to “is it OK for a man to beat his wife.” We also had questions such as “is it illegal to have a boyfriend,” “how can I control the white liquid coming out of my vagina” and “why does semen come out of my vagina if I am a virgin.” These girls range in age from 14-19 and clearly do not have even a rudimentary understanding of their bodies. I tried to answer themes of questions as best as I could. I felt very sad that they have not been provided with this education. They are so lost and confused. I wonder the affects of such strong religion in this culture which seems to prevent the children from receiving any education around sexual health. The only answer is to wait until marriage (which, by the way, proposals are commonplace. To be married does not mean you know one another or have dated or are in love. Many girls asked how to stop men from proposing to them and wondered why men were noticing them more lately. Men. Not boys.). We also had a question about sexual abuse and if you can say no to someone who wants to have sex with you. We gave a complete answer about the right to your body, to say no, to change your mind and how they do not owe anyone their body or access to it no matter what (for example, many aunties and uncles are paying for their education and the uncles want something in return). The counselor then got on the microphone to reiterate the importance of telling her if this was happening so they could be counseled. She said “If you do not tell someone you will have a horrible life, you will not get married and you will be not have children and you will not lead a happy life.” WTF?!?!?! Meanwhile, at this time, the boys were talking about how to stay in school and get into University and to avoid drugs. I have been so frustrated with the sexist ideals of responsibility and have really struggled to remain cultural humble and curious. I am doing my best to respect the cultural norms while still providing accurate information. I made myself available after our forum for individual questions. A couple girls came and asked questions about sex and pregnancy and how they might know if they are pregnant. Innocent questions. I wish I could be here longer and lead several small groups for students around sexuality and sexual health.

Later, during my individual counseling session a girl told me about being molested at the age of 6. She had never told anyone before and she wanted to know if she was still a virgin and if she would still be able to marry and have children. I wish I could do more for her. There is no one to report it to, no one to tell who can help this girl. I felt so helpless in that situation. Luckily, she is no longer in that unsafe situation, but she is feeling obvious after affects. She began talking about this because she said she feels nervous around men and boys and does not like to be alone with them or close to them. She asked if this was normal. She does not wish to talk to her mother (that was my first approach since family is the foundation of everything here) nor anyone else. She said she wants to just forget about it and move on with her life. I have to respect that that is where she is right now and it wouldn’t be safe for me to bring all of this up with her to have no follow up. I felt so incredibly inadequate and useless. At least I was there for her to have a safe space, free of judgment to share what she needed to share and get accurate health information. I hope she is able to tell someone someday and work through it.

On an upswing, during our break, a student I talked with yesterday came up to me with great news – he was able to accomplish one of his goals today (we had set two goals yesterday and he reached one this morning). He was so excited and the huge smile on his face was heart warming. He couldn’t wait to tell me how it went. He was bright, smiley, and cheery and said I had inspired him and he wished I could be with him always. I told him how incredibly proud I was of him for working on his goal today and told him I would always be with him. He will always have our conversation and the skills I helped him to learn and that he can carry those with him wherever he goes in the future. He also has my email address and said he will write. (Most all of the students ask for your address or email – I am not sure how many will actually write)

I also hung out with a group of girls in the courtyard during lunch. We took pictures and had a great time posing and laughing and being silly. They love the cameras, that’s for sure!

Today’s curriculum was a follow up to yesterday’s goal setting. Today we broke it down into more specific steps to achieving your goal(s) and identified those people who are in your support system, or your circle of support. I was quite impressed with the students’ abilities to think critically and identify steps to reach their goals. Students have big goals – to be the first female President, to be the Minister of Women and Children Affairs, to be “the biggest lawyer Ghana has ever seen,” to travel the world and write books, and to be “the next Obama.” Many students had sense of what it takes to enter a certain field – extra math/science or study social sciences. They knew they would need to have a practicum, conduct research, and seek mentors. It is so inspiring to hear the students’ goals and dreams and help them to identify ways to get there. I hope at least one student learns something from this week that they take forward with them and use in the future – whether it is goal setting, problem solving, or social skills – I hope there is something they can find that is useful.

Tomorrow I am training the youth consulate group on facilitation skills so they can become facilitators of these seminars. I have created a 20 page manual for them and am leading a 2-hour training. I am still determining the best way to integrate photo journalism into the project… I hope it all goes smoothly. This week has been so rewarding in so many ways. I know I will not want to leave come Friday – which is just right around the corner. I can’t believe I only have another 10 days left in Ghana. The time has flown by.

Day 14: Ashaiman Secondary High School

We left our hostel bright and early at 6:55AM today. I am not a morning person. At all. It takes about an hour to fight traffic to get to our school (it would only take 15-20 minutes max otherwise) so we have to leave with ample time. Grr.

Our meeting with the Headmaster this morning was full of praise for our work yesterday. He is very happy with our work here and even wants to give us an office. The Program Director from UT asked if I would be interested in coming back here for my final internship placement next January…we shall see what unfolds. At any rate, we have a plethora of support from the school. As such, we made a proposal to divide the students into smaller groups today. Instead of working with 300 students for 1 hour 20 minutes, we wanted to try 2 sessions for 40 minutes each with 150 students with the hope that they would have more opportunities for interaction.

Today’s topic was “Reaching for the stars: Goal Setting.” We began with sharing “what I want to be when I grow up.” Each facilitator shared what we wanted to be when we were in secondary school (me = psychologist) and then we asked the students to share with us what they want to be. Many students are interested in nursing, lawyer, business, and journalism/broadcasting. Other interests I heard were veterinarian, soldier, police woman, football player, actor, musician, and pastor. We then moved into an activity to help students map out their current path, the bridge to their goals, and the challenges and support they have in front of them. Taking a piece of paper folded into 3rds horizontally, they wrote “path” on the left side, “bridge” in the middle, and “goal(s)” on the right side. The path represents where they are now – they may be on a straight road, a curvy road, or there may be a fork in the road. The bridge represents what they need to cross to get to their goals on the other side, but underneath the bridge lurks sharks and other challenges. You don’t want to fall off of the bridge because these things might hurt you. These are the challenges. Most of the challenges shared by the students to reaching their goals include financial troubles, broken homes, lack of advice and guidance, unsupportive parents, academic problems, drugs, teen pregnancy/sexual misconduct, and peer pressure. Above and on the bridge are the people or things that will help carry you to the other side. What were most shared were determination, hard work, and perseverance. I thought it was interesting that the biggest challenges were structural and the biggest supports were individualistic. Our curriculum for tomorrow builds off of this seminar.

We went off to individual counseling for the last hour of the day. Today I had two clients, both dealing with friendship issues and social skills (shyness). I approached this from a solution focused, empowerment direction. I had students identify times when they did not feel shy or when it was less scary to speak up. After identifying those times and what was different in those situations we were able to identify what they might need to do in the future. With both clients we mapped out two task items for the week in working towards their goals. I reminded them they can use our goal setting workshops as tools in solving their own problems in the future. I also reminded them that they are strong and smart and capable of solving problems; they know what is best for them and have their own answers. I hope something I said is helpful. I am glad that I know something about solution focused brief therapy because that is coming in handy right about now. Social work school has taught me something.

Tonight has been spent planning and prepping, catching up on my writing, and trying to relax. I forget how draining long days are…but the work is so rewarding. I can’t even believe this is all happening right now. I feel so honored and so lucky to be a part of it. I know I am learning and growing in so many ways that I cannot even yet see, feel, or begin to process. Writing is helpful, but I really think a lot of this will not hit until I am back in the States. I am trying to just savor each moment and offer as much as I can. I am trying to have a connection with every student while I am here – even if it is a smile or a greeting, I hope to give a piece of myself to each of them. I am so inspired by their hope, dreams, dedication, and determination. I hope to take a small piece from each of them with me as well. In some ways I never, ever imagined myself here, in a place like this, doing this work; yet, in other ways it feels so perfectly natural for me to be here and this is exactly what I imagined myself doing.

Day 13: Ashaiman Secondary High School, Ashaiman

The long awaited youth empowerment program at Ashaiman Secondary High School officially is up and running and I am happy to report that day 1 was a huge success! We were so warmly received by the school’s administration and are fortunate to have their support 110%. Our day began with a meeting with the Headmaster and Asst. Headmaster to present our proposal for the week. But, first, we needed to print our proposal which proved to be quite a task in and of itself. They have one computer for all of the administration (which the secretary uses) and one small photocopier. I was humbled to see how much trouble it was to make 9 copies of the proposed plan.

We proposed leading workshops in different classrooms each period every day this week. Knowing there are 14 classrooms and 4 of us, we knew it would be a challenge, (especially since some classes have up to 70 students per period) but we were up for the challenge. The topics we proposed leading were: identity exploration, addressing your inner critic, leadership, and goal setting (two-part session). The Administration liked our ideas, but they wanted to be sure we reached ALL students. They proposed we have two daily assemblies with Form 1 (first year) and Form 2 (second year) students (Form 3 students recently completed their studies and are not present during the summer months). For clarification, I asked how many students would be in each assembly – oh, ‘just’ 300 or so. Our program quickly morphed from working with small(-er) groups to leading large scale assemblies. We adapted and made some adjustments to our curriculum for the day (Who am I? Exploring your identity). The Asst. Headmaster, upon the change of plans, quickly moved into action. He informed us they have a PA system they would set up and left the room. At 10:55AM, Form 1 students were rallied, all 300+ of them, in the assembly hall.

When we entered the hall, what was formerly an empty room was now full with 300 desks, a podium, a large moveable chalkboard, a table (with a white table cloth accented by the fake flowers in a vase in the center) and chairs. The PA system was up and running, from the help of a couple students and we were ready to go. It was amazing how quickly it all came together, especially since when we entered in the morning, about 1 ½ hours earlier this was not at all our plan. I cannot believe how well we were received and how quickly the administration adapted and responded for the students. The Asst. Headmaster is adamant that the students’ need this program and he wanted to be sure we reached each and every student. As such, the students will not be in class for two periods (one block) every day this week. This, compared to what I know from working with administration in the US, is crazy – they would not be as happy to give up their students’ classroom time for week-long assemblies on identity and development.

I was pretty nervous to lead the assemblies. I am fairly confident of my abilities in working with adolescents, especially girls, but a mixed gender group of 300 was pretty intimidating. I started out by saying “Maakye” (“Good morning” in Twi) with blank stares which I took as normal for teenagers at 11AM on a June Monday. The Asst. Headmaster apparently did not believe this was appropriate and took the mic from my hands. I was waiting for what he would say when he said “Do you realize she was speaking Twi? She just greeted you.” He handed back the mic and I again said “Maakye” and was greeted with uproarious laughter from all 300 students. I’m guessing my accent was a little off? I tried.

The activity today focused on identities and how people see us. We began with a short sharing of “something you don’t know about me…” Students were prompted to share something we might not know about them by looking at them. Most students shared their future goals or dreams (mainly career-related), such as “I want to be a nurse/football player/doctor.” A couple students shared their favorite colors or where they are from. It was fun to finally interact with the students and learn a bit about them. They are mostly so demure, so shy and quiet – and so respectful. Our next activity was drawing a mountain. From a distance when you look at a mountain you can only see the top part – you cannot see what is at the bottom of the mountain – are there people? A village? Animals? To see what is at the base of the mountain you must move closer. This is the same with people. From the outside we only see the tip of the mountain; we must get closer to people, get to know them better, ask them questions to see what is really underneath. Using this metaphor we drew a mountain and identified things on the top of the mountain for them (body shape/size, hair color, skin color, face) and those underneath (religion, personality). They then drew their own mountains highlighting what aspects of themselves were at the top of the mountain or underneath the horizon. The second activity (which we did not get to with Form 1 groups) was to based on a poem from a curriculum I work with in the States. It is called “Just Because” and is originally written by Esther Kamkar, a woman born in Iran in 1947 who now lives in the US. She often feels that people judge her by what they see on the outside, but do not really know her.

Just because I was born in Iran,
I am not a belly dancer
I am not a fortune teller
I am not a camel rider.
I am a poet.

Just because I am a woman,
I do not like diamonds
I do not love to shop
I do not worship credit cards
I love to play with clay

Just because I am a Jew,
I do not make a fortune
I do not hate Arabs
I do not believe in “an eye for an eye”
I remember and give refuge

Just because I am a mother
I am not regretful
I am not a martyr
I am not a fixer
I am a free spirit.

After sharing this poem with the students, they wrote their own Just Because poems. We had a few students volunteer to share their poems with the group and they were amazing!! One student talked about “Just because I am poor, I am not lazy, I am not unmotivated…I am a village boy” and there was an uproar of support for him. One student shared “Just because I am fat…Doesn’t mean I can’t dance…Doesn’t mean I can’t stand out…Doesn’t mean I can’t be beautiful…Doesn’t mean I can’t be respected. I am fat-tabulous and happy.” There was also great applause and cheering in support of her. I was so personally touched by her poem – because 1. As a fat girl, I can relate so much to her words. 2. I hate when teen girls have to struggle with weight concerns. It’s so stupid and mean. And 3. I hoped there was a part of the world where I could go that was protected from the fat=bad bullshit but from westernization Ghanaian women and girls are now receiving these message as well. It breaks my heart to hear, yet she inspired me so much to remember my own beauty and to be FATTABULOUS. I recorded her reading her poem for future inspiration 

Upon completion of our group assemblies we rushed off to do our individual counseling sessions. Another unforeseen need and addition to our program was the offering of individual counseling for the students. They have one school counselor for all 1000+ students. We created ¼ slip forms to hand out to interested students. They filled out their name, form (grade), program, and issue to be addressed and turned them in to us. We had no idea that over 300 students would turn in forms! After sorting through the Form 1 forms we noticed categories of concerns: financial, academic, future planning/goal setting, medical, and general (social skills, family concerns). For today we addressed the general concerns since they were the least amount. We were given a classroom for the 5 of us to counsel. We arranged the 10 desks into pairs and tried to give as much a space as possible between the paired tables. I learned a lot today about being a resourceful social worker. I saw one student who was concerned about pressure she is getting from her family to work or else she doesn’t know how to pay school fees. She fears she cannot work during the week because she must study many hours. Her mother is telling her she is lazy since she doesn’t want to work. Since I only have one 45 minute session with this student I chose to use an empowerment model and focus on how to provide her with problem solving and decision making skills. Together, we brainstormed a list of possible solutions to her situation and did pros and cons. Once she narrowed down her top choices we discussed possible challenges she may face and ways she may address those challenges. We identified first steps for her to take in moving towards her goal. I hope this was helpful for her. I am not so much a quick fix type person; I would rather get to know the client and develop a relationship with them. In this context, however, I am more solution and empowerment focused. All I can do is my best over this week…

After our long day we did some planning and prep work for the week, ate a quick dinner and I am heading to bed soon. I need a good night’s rest for tomorrow

Day 12: Tema Wedding

I went to the wedding today in Tema. I expected it to be more interesting, but really it was very similar to any wedding in the States. This was a more modern wedding – held in a church with the bride and groom in a white dress and tux. The church service lasted almost 3 hours and was stocked full of talk of God, Jesus, and gays-are-bad. I have such a hard time in religious settings, even despite cultural humility. I try really really hard but I just don’t have much patience for the –isms. The reception followed at an outdoor garden. Many of the traditional wedding customs with which I am familiar were in place – the head table, popping of champagne, toasting, best man and maid of honor speeches, etc. We sat in round tables and were served a delicious buffet of red red, fried rice, plantains, fish, chicken, fufu, and goat soup (which I did try. Yes, I have officially eaten goat. It tastes like pork to me).

After returning from church I spent the rest of the day with my group planning for our project tomorrow. Our project starts tomorrow! I am so excited to meet the students and get a chance to know them. It is difficult being here for only one week but I hope we can make some sort of difference, no matter how large or small. Even if we are just planting seeds, I hope someone else will water them and make sure they have sun so they grow to be strong and healthy.

Day 11: Accra Artist Market

Yet another early morning. Breakfast was at 8AM and we left for the Artist Market at 9AM. I’m tired, but I don’t want to miss a thing! The Artist Market, I’ve heard, can be very overwhelming. It is similar to a flea market with several stands in a small space. The difference being the selling technique. These sellers are quite aggressive. They will grab your hand and try to pull you into their shop, they will follow you through the market and try to sell to you and if you so much as look at an item or touch something they will basically put it on you saying “it’s yours.” (But, it really isn’t because when I walked away with it and said “thanks!” they weren’t too happy. Who knew?!) Also, as in many developing nations, the norm is to haggle for prices. Being an obroni (white, tourist) I will always get quoted a higher price – sometimes a ridiculously higher price. You have to barter and haggle to get to the price at which you’re comfortable buying. I’m not much of a fan of this process. At any rate, I ended up with some wood carvings, a drum, a dress, 2 bags, a shirt, and loads of jewelry. I keep telling myself some of it is gifts…I just don’t know which items because I want it all for me!

When I came out of the market, I was looking for my bus and realized I had been left! Luckily, another bus from our program had just rolled up so I caught a ride back with them. We drove the Accra Main Square to purchase some other items and it was a crazy madhouse. Tons of people everywhere – on the street, on the sidewalk, in the street. People selling everything from Raid roach killer to tennis shoes to kebabs. There wasn’t anything I have ever needed in my life that wasn’t for sale on that street. After an hour there we headed back to the hostel.

I went for a walk with a friend here and decided to get my hair braided. We walked past a woman in a field who was doing hair and asked her if she could do my hair and how much. Yes, and 7 cedis. I choose a brownish-red weave and sat down. Three hours later I now have me some fancy braids. I like to fit into the culture I’m in. Plus I am going to a wedding tomorrow and I wanted to have something ‘fancy’-ish for it. Woo!

I enjoyed a later dinner and made plans to go out dancing. Plans were foiled and I ended up hanging out in my room again chatting it up – which is OK because tomorrow I have to be up early, again. The wedding is during church service so we must leave by 9AM. Wish I could have one day to sleep… I guess I can do that back in Austin. For now there is fun to be had and experiences to experience.

Day 10: Cape Coast

I had ambitious plans to wake up at 5AM today and watch the sunrise over the ocean. When my alarm went off, I laughed, snoozed, and returned to sleep. Around 7:30 I awoke and did yoga on my porch looking into the ocean. The life. After breakfast we loaded our buses to head to Kakum National Park. No sooner had we parked and paid when a torrential downpour began. Kakum is a rainforest, so some rain is to be expected, but this was crazy style rain. We decided to eat lunch on site and hope the rain ended. Shortly afterwards a bamboo band rolled up in the rain and began setting up for a performance. Our Program Director is pretty amazing and just pulled this out for us. It was a full ensemble, dancing and drumming troupe who performed for an hour. It was amazing! All of the instruments they were playing were made of solid bamboo – the only additions being metal pieces for connection. In perfect timing, our food was ready as they finished and the rain slowed down to a light drizzle. After some kebobs, I ventured into the rainforest. A short uphill hike led us to the canopy tour. We walked 7 canopy bridges and it was breathtakingly beautiful. I remember from Costa Rica just how beautiful the rainforest is from that high…Kakum did not disappoint. Wet and tired, I completed all 7 and headed back to load up the bus and head home. It was a long drive home with 35 wet people crammed closely together. I put on my headphones and zoned out. Back at the hostel I took a lukewarm shower, had a light snack and just hung out with my roomie and some friends. It is nice to be back with the group.

Day 9: Cape Coast

After 3 ½ hours crammed tight in the backseat of a Mercedes (you know how I roll), I thankfully made it to Cape Coast and was able to catch up with the group. We began our day with a tour of the Slave River – the final bathing place for the slaves after they walked for weeks or months from the Northern Region of Ghana and neighboring countries, such as Burkina Faso to Cape Coast to be traded or sold. On site they have built a memorial wall for those who have returned to Ghana after the Diaspora and/or other supporters. The site was touching in a way, trying to imagine the walk folks took and the conditions in which they endured. But, this was clearly a tourist centre. I do not believe there is historical evidence of this being “The” Slave River or bathing site; rather it is a lake with a story. At any rate, the guide gave a good speech which personalized the experience and helped drive home the reality of the history of slavery.

Next stop was the long awaited Cape Coast slave castle. This fortress, castle, dungeon is a true historical building over 200 years old. From the outside it is a beautiful white structure. It looks like a traditional castle. Inside, however, there are dungeons, a holding cell, and cannons. We began with an entrance into the male dungeon. This was a three room concrete cellar with one small window in each room. Guards stood by with rifles in the windows to keep order. Over 1000 men were held at a time and were held for up to 6 weeks. Men were fed twice daily. They ate, slept, and defecated in this same space. A small gutter existed, but archeologists have found evidence that fecal matter and waste reached up to 4 feet tall. Appalling. Despicable.

The female dungeon was even smaller, just two rooms, and held both women and children. The two rooms only had one small window which was also guarded. Women were kept nude and were used by traders and guards as desired. A woman’s “saving grace” was to become pregnant from one of the British men. She would then be freed. The risk was too great to try and sell or transfer a pregnant woman. In the Cape Coast area now there are many people who have last names such as “Stephenson” or “Robertson” – this, quite literally, means the child is the son of Stephan or Robert. (Why do I know no Stephendaughters?)

Near by was a holding cell. This cell was a small, narrow room where rebels were locked up. This room contained no windows and when the door was closed there was no oxygen coming in. They closed it for a minute while we were in there. It did take my breath away – not only the lack of oxygen, but the heat, the closeness to everyone, the lack of light. It was scary – and I knew what was happening and that it would end quickly. I cannot imagine what it was like to be taken from your country by force or manipulation, shackled and forced to walk for sometimes 3-4 months and then be kept in a dungeon for 6 weeks all for no apparent reason. Most of these people were just minding their own business before being taken away and enslaved. I just do not understand humans.

The final piece the enslaved people saw was a big black door labeled “The Door of No Return.” This is the final door where men, women, and children walked away from their homes. The door opens to the harbor where they were loaded on ships to sail to far away, never heard of places. It is such a beautiful sight to behold – the ocean, the rocks, the people. It is difficult to imagine such atrocities happening at this very spot, this very beautiful, breathtaking spot. I had such mixed emotions of everything. I just kept touching the walls in the dungeons and feeling connected to the thousands of hands who touched those same walls. To those who slept and wept on the cement floors I was walking on. To those who lost their lives there. To those who lost their souls there. I could feel that energy transferring through me and into me and it was overwhelming. At several points I cried, but mostly I ached deep inside my heart, in my soul. The fear and pain those people had to feel…

After this journey we visited the upstairs of the palace. This is where the governor resided, where church services were offered, and where slaves were sold. The upstairs of the castle had hard wood floors and many black shuttered windows. They had a beautiful view of the ocean. He sure had nice living arrangements up above people who were lying in their own feces, crying out for their mothers, their fathers, their Lord. The room where slaves were auctioned and sold was also beautiful – a large ballroom with wooden floors and multiple windows opening up to the ocean front.

It is an indescribable feeling to be in that space, to process how much went on there. How many lives were forever changed and how the world was forever changed. I just kept thinking of how many people passed throw there before. My brothers and sisters in humanity. That could have been me or my ancestors, but it wasn’t. Why not? What kept the Swedes or Germans from being enslaved? Why Africans? Why do we continue to abuse Africans and African Americans and other brown people? WHY?! If there is a Goddess, God, Higher Power, Universal Energy, something, anything – WHY does she/he/it allow things like that to happen? Why do we continue the genocide? Why aren’t we, as humans, learning from our mistakes? Why is Wal-Mart enslaving people and getting away with it? In fact, most big businesses are getting away with this, in one form or another. Why aren’t more people in an uproar?!?! We may not be as overt about our shackles these days, but they’re definitely still on. Look at our prisons and detention facilities – are we not still enslaving a particular population today? How did the US just sit and watch the Holocaust? Apartheid? Darfur? How am I involved? Am I a part of the solution? I have always felt that if you’re not part of the solution then you’re part of the problem. I’m realizing though, that I’m part of the problem no matter what, but how can I reduce my emissions? Am I doing enough? Should I, could I be doing more? What is that? Where is that?

After the castles we returned to our beachfront cottages for an afternoon of relaxation. How do I go from all of this intensity to ‘fun time’? It is difficult for me to switch like that. I found myself a nice quiet spot on the beach to journal and think and just watch and listen to the waves. I allowed myself to feel the waves of emotions and thoughts passing through me… I cried. I cried for the past, the present, the future. I cried over all of the ugliness and beauty surrounding me simultaneously.

After ample time of decompressing I joined some friends in the warm, warm ocean water and played in the sand and relaxed. Some beer or wine would’ve been nice, but I’m still taking it easy from my tummy. Instead I gave myself an all-natural, organic sand and sea salt full body scrub. :) I love silky smooth skin. I retired to my room to shower and get ready for our evening and very much enjoyed the hot shower. I had an amazing evening. Enjoyed some red red for dinner, an amazing drum show and performance, practiced my African dancing (my Beyonce is still pretty weak, but I’m working on it), and capped out with a bonfire on the beach. All in all, a great way to wind down after an intense day. It’s crazy that it is so beautiful here when its’ history is so ugly.